he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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