Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
