Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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