I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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