At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
