My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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