trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
do herpes really smell.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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