hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
His nipple licking is glorious
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