Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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