left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
