yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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