I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
