Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
