You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
