I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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