spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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