If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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