I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
