dude i'm inner monologue high
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
