so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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