So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
