Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
