Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
