I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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