We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
