thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
