My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
