ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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