What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
