Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
