i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
