Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
