so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think my moral compass just broke
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
