This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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