no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
