i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
