I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
