The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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