she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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