Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
