He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
