I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
