i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
