A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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