A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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