The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
