im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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