Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
