I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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