Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
