you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Text me some of your sweat
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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