Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
