Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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