every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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