That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
