I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
