So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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