This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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