my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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