Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
