The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
