If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
