I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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