just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
