I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
