I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize