Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
