Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
