He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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