No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
