Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
