he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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