she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
