i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize