I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
