I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
