We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
